Nature has a Way to Plan Your Family

By Janet L. Kistler

To live with our bodies, and not in spite of them is a discovery our "civilized" world is just now making. An old Asian wisdom maintains that perfection is only acquired through the mastery of the body. The more one is able to live with his or her own body and master its nature, the freer is one's mind and wider the horizons. We need to understand the natural laws of our bodies in order to achieve optimal enjoyment as well as new depths of communication. This understanding brings us even closer to experiencing God's great love for us and the powers of creation He granted us.

Marriage is both a state and a process of being. We've all heard about the married state which refers to the status of the couple before God and the world. However, there is much less said about the marriage process which refers to how a man and woman are continuing to develop their marital relationship with each other. To put it another way, when two people commit themselves in marriage, they promise to give of themselves in a caring love for each other for the rest of their lives, without reservation, for better or worse. However, most married people will admit that it's easier to make the commitment than it is to engage in the day-to-day process of living it and renewing it. In this perspective, the sexual union is seen as a unique expression of married love. It is seen as embodying and renewing in a symbolic way, the original marriage commitment of total giving to each other.
In this expanded view of the meaning of the sexual union, there is no room for contraception. Because couples who live natural family planning are apparently a minority with respect to those who use mechanical and chemical birth control, they are frequently soft-spoken about their conviction. However, their voices are becoming stronger and heard at longer distances.

Living natural family planning helps couple get attuned with their natures and strengthens their relationship. As nature has seasons, so too the cycle of woman is seasonal and couples are taught to recognize the changes occurring on a cyclic basis and make responsible decisions regarding their combined fertility. In the first blush of enthusiasm for natural family planning, couples can find abstinence a positive thing, because it is new and different. However, the proof of its effect on the sexual union is in the long term. The challenge of courtship continues into marriage and leads naturally to maturity in a sexual relationship. Natural family planning lead the partner in love to a deeper understanding of themselves and each other. It is trust creating, hope sustaining and faith preserving.

We can probably all recall the frequently quoted words of Christ, "And the truth will make you free." Most of us have found that freedom isn't really free at all. To be free to run a mile without stopping requires a great deal of training. The same is true for sexual freedom. To be sexually free means to have enough sexual self-possession to be masters over our urges and place sex at the service of authentic love. To attain that degree of freedom requires help from God and no one should feel ashamed at admitting his or her need for divine help in this area of life.
Developing an attitude in marriage of mutual care and support is important in living natural family planning and open communication is a necessity. The true meaning of respect and genuine friendship is enhanced when tenderness, gentleness and conversation is engaged in instead of passion. The niceties of "courtship" help to build an even stronger marriage. Periodic abstinence or selective intercourse is good for the marriage relationship because it helps avoid the feeling of being sexually satiated; the feeling of having too much "quantity" without a corresponding joy and meaning. There is a common saying among couples living natural family planning - every cycle has a courtship, every cycle has a honeymoon.

Several things are necessary for successfully living natural family planning, including motivation, proper instruction, understanding and cooperative attitudes. Undoubtedly, some couples experience occasional difficulties; however, with the proper attitudes, these difficulties can be turned into stepping stones leading to increased marital maturity, mutual self-respect and true sexual freedom.
 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Janet L. Kistler is the Coordinator of Natural Family Planning and Marriage Preparation for the Archdiocese of Washington, DC.  This article originally appeared on the website of Phoenix Natural Family Planning at www.phxnfp.org.